Perhaps my favorite part of the book so far is the section where Liz describes how she comes to accept her 'natural character.' (Ch. 62-64, pgs. 189-193)
The paragraph where she discusses her habit of interrupting people while they are talking (pg. 193) resonated so strongly with me (I know... this may be difficult to imagine - hint of sarcasm).
Even more so, her response to this realization... which was to take a vow of silence and become the "best" at being silent... is, well, a pattern with which I am all too familiar. (In psychodynamic speak - this is the defense known as 'reaction formation')
My fascination with psychology is in part due to a fascination with the power and quality of DEFENSES. How is it that people can go through life whining, complaining, abusing, withdrawing, etc... and never see that they are the source of their own misery? The answer is that humans are extremely well-defended.
My extraordinarily adaptive response to my own insecurities is to painstakingly examine, explain, and address any and all evidence of pathology or symptomology manifesting in my behavior, my relationships, my thoughts. (As an aside - you may have noted another hint of sarcasm here - which is ironically a manifestation of another psychological defense - passive-aggression. According to psychoanalytic theory, sarcasm is a passive-aggressive form of communication which protects the communicator from their own anger and the undesired consequences of expressing anger.)
Back to the topic of this post: Interrupting people because you think what you have to say is more important that what the other person is saying. Hence, you think you're more important than the other person.
True story: Two pipes involved in my daily activities sprung leaks this past week. The pipe involved in draining water in the bathroom sink and the pipe involved in expelling exhaust from my car.
A third pipe has sprung a leak - it has actually been leaking my whole life and I have only intermittently been aware of it. My constant stream of chatter is a drain to my energy and a burden to those around me. Talking is a tool for avoiding myself, my loneliness, my worries... My cell phone is a depository for my energy, my ceaseless, useless, stream of blah, blah, blah... My supervisor, on numerous occasions, has told me that I use too many words - the impact of my communication is lessened by so many words.
Pg. 190 "Learning how to discipline your speech is a way of preventing your energies from spilling out of you through the rupture of your mouth, exhausting you and filling the world with words, words, words instead of serenity, peace, and bliss."
I pray for help in learning this skill... perhaps I will take a vow of silence.
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1 comment:
Right on, sister. Awareness is the key to CREATING the experience you need. If you are not aware of what you contribute in creating your life (moment by moment) then the world can start to seem like a very uncontrollable and scary place.
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